I emailed 1,283 leaders 1 question.

"what's the one skill that changed your career?"

I called them. emailed them. Linkedin DMs.

entrepreneurs, coaches, consultants, founders.

people who built things and own companies and manage teams.

cold outreach, no connections, just a question.

42 answered.

and the 18 gave the same answer. not sales. not discipline. not networking.

listening!

not polite nodding. not waiting for your turn to talk. real listening. the kind that makes someone feel like they're the only person in the room.

I am quite terrible at this to be honest… what about you?

I also checked my Zoom metrics. my call recordings. the data on how much I talk versus how much I listen in conversations.

70%.

I talk 70% of the time.

that means in a 10-minute conversation, the other person gets 3 minutes. three minutes to feel heard, to share their idea, to connect with me. and I'm filling the other 7 with my own voice.

not good…

and apparently, I'm not the only one.

most people overestimate how much they listen. the research backs it up: we retain about 25% of what we hear. we interrupt on average every 17 seconds.

we're not listening.

what these leaders actually said:

the 42 who responded didn't just say "listening." they described it differently:

"magnetic listening." one person called it that. the kind where people open up to you because they feel safe.

"intense listening." another framed it as a competitive advantage. the person who listens best in the room wins.

"practiced listening." not a talent. a skill. something you build through reps, like a muscle.

three words that hit me: magnetic. intense. practiced.

none of those describe how I listen today.

sooooo this is week skill 10 of 53!

I'm fixing this. 7 days to go from talking 70% to listening 70%.

the plan:

every conversation this week, I measure my talk-to-listen ratio. I track it. I write down what I learn about the other person. I practice shutting up when every instinct says "add something clever."

by sunday I want a different number. not 70. something closer to 30.

and I want to see what changes when I actually hear people.

AND ask 100 questions.

why this matters for you:

think about the last conversation you had. a real one. with a friend, a partner, a colleague.

how much of it do you remember?

not the topic. the details. their exact words. what they were actually trying to tell you underneath what they said.

if you can't remember, you weren't listening. I know because I can't remember either.

the leaders who answered my question didn't say listening made them smarter.

they said it made people trust them. open doors for them. follow them.

turns out the most powerful thing you can do in a room is close your mouth.

challenge for you this week:

try this today. one conversation. set a timer or just pay attention.

talk less than 50% of the time. ask one follow-up question based on what they actually said, not what you want to say next.

then notice what happens. notice how they react. notice what you learn.

reply to this email and tell me: what is a GOOD question?

see you sunday with the results as usual.

Proof:

If you missed the previous weeks and unusual lessons, check them out HERE:

Reply to this email with all your questions, comments, or tips, I will answer.

Or share with friends who want to join and grow.

- Alex